my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
