my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
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I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
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Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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