Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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