My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
handjob tips. give me some.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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