Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
