It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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