I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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