I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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