And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
