Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
