I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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