Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
