Got a toothbrush?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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