what day is it and did you see me today?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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