I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
