you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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