I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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