I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
