Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I understand Curling. That high.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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