It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
