Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize