Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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