please come you make the beer taste better
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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