im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Someone signed my nipple.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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