okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
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it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
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The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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