community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
