I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
