***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Randomize
