"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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