She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
