capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
