I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
