I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
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