I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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