I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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