Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
