i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
