Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
