We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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