you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
