found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
