Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Church boner. Awkwardddd
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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