I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
