apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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