Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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