You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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