By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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