yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
they need to just BURY HIM!
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
