You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
