Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
