I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
