I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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