Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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