I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
