I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
