So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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