Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
