Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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