I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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