So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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