Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
