nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
