new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
