I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
This girl is more easily done than said...
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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