We won't sleep together?
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
