You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
