woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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