There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
