From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
