I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
