Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
