Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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