i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
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Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
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I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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