i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
